fter my friend had spent about half an hour trying to look for a good parenting book on Amazon, I asked him, “Did you find something?” Normally known for his calm demeanour, my friend snapped, “by the time I select the best book out of 216, 60 new parenting books would be on sale, my baby would be in her teens. I would rather ask my mom!”.
He later told me why conventional wisdom scores over the contemporary approach in some ways. The problem with contemporary approach is that by the time your child is 10, there would be a new study to tell you that everything you did till your child was ten, was a disaster.
There’s another curve that mimics the trends of parenting and that is one of leadership. Sadly, when we face leadership dilemmas, we can’t really say, “I’ll ask my mom”. With leadership buzzwords and corporate environment changing as fast as a toddler in his/her first few years, can we find some conventional wisdom that can add a bit of balance and stillness to the constantly changing field?
Maybe, it’s time we looked at parenting to find some answers.
- It’s all about them
It does not matter how good a batsman the dad is, if the kid scores a zero.
So many leadership attributes have been published in various books that it would take someone a lifetime to memorise those attributes, leave alone imbibe those. So, clearly you do not need to have all of the attributes mentioned in different versions of “Great Man Theory” or “Charismatic Leadership” to be able to perform as a leader.
The simple way to lead is to shift the focus to your team and counterparts because they will reflect how good a leader you are. If they are engaged and performing, people will hardly feel the need to evaluate you as an individual.
Remember, no one questions the coach of a winning team at the end of the day.
- They do not do what you ask them to do, they do what you do
You can teach your kids all about hygiene; they will still pick their nose if you do.
In a training workshop for a leading infrastructure enterprise, I was told that the Managing Director follows a “Zero Excuse” culture and no one can present any reason that sounds remotely like an excuse at the Senior Management Meetings. The amazing part is that in the entire two days of the workshop, I could not hear any excuse or any reason why a particular initiative would not work. What you demonstrate at the top will automatically trickle down to the bottom.
What you say as a leader forms the document, what you do as a leader forms the culture.
- Catch them doing something right
“I am proud of you” will always inspire more than “Look what you have done”
In one of the most interesting ted talks ever, famous music conductor and teacher, Benjamin Zander reveals the secret to inspire his class. On the first day, when all the students are wondering if they will be able to perform well, he breaks the great news that he will grant an A to all of them. The only caveat is that they will have to write a letter to their future self (one year later, when the class ends) mentioning all the things that they did to get that A.
In my experience, a lot of the issues leaders term as “skill issues” are in fact “confidence issues” or “priority issues” and can be solved by granting that A in advance.
Whatever you observe in your people, you will see more of it.
- DNA is not a choice; your level of engagement is
Parents don’t go to the doctor and say, “Can I alter the DNA so that my kid is a mathematics wizard?”
I have heard way too many leaders use the term “recruitment failure” to describe any team member they can’t inspire or upskill.
Here I would like to share a principle called Pygmalion effect, which has worked successfully almost every time I can recall. The legend has it that a Greek sculptor Pygmalion, fell in love with a statue he carved and refused to see it as an inanimate object. Goddess Aphrodite upon seeing his love, breathed life into the statue and they lived happily ever after.
If your team members see that you expect the best from them, they will go to great lengths to deliver what you expect.
- No one other than your kids can tell you how you make them feel.
Keith Ferrazzi, author of bestselling book, “Who’s got your back” suggests an activity to get the most honest feedback as a leader. He invites feedback from all his employees on chits, puts them all in a fish pond after shaking them up and has one of his employees read the feedback to him. It’s painful to listen to all of the feedback without defending oneself, but it is the most honest feedback one can ever get.
You can choose a version of this activity to seek feedback from people who are most affected by your behaviour and decisions. They will give you far better insights than any other person that you currently discuss your team issues with.
You would never know how well you are leading, until you ask the one who is following.